“We Are Doing It For The Kids”
One of the recent trends in the Indian immigrant community is calling it quits with America. Why? The answer I get from our circle of friends has been “we are doing it for the kids.” In fact, both my husband and I have also given this serious thought. We would love to give our son the experience of growing up in India for a while. But what does that really mean?
Most of the time the husband works for a large software company and sometimes the wife does too. With the nature of outsourcing changing, these Indian software engineers agree to work in India at a salary level that is far lesser than what they were getting in the U.S. However, the salary they do receive is far greater than the cost of living standards in the particular Indian city. Therefore, they can choose to live like kings and queens. One can buy an expensive home, have servants, a driver for your cars, cooks, someone that does your laundry, tends to your garden, and picks up your groceries. The truth is most Indians have most of these services provided even if they are not uber-rich. It is a pretty sweet deal.
To be honest, I don’t get it and I am conflicted. I want my son to grow up in India for different reasons. I want him to know the land of his mother and father and those of his ancestors. I want him to smell the sweetness of gulab jamun and jalebi from the corner bakery when he runs home from school. I want him to have the experience of having kids to play with all the time at the playgrounds and not worry about play dates. I would love for him to have family close by and experience familial intimacy. And maybe this is not politically correct to say but I want my son to know what it feels like to be in a sea of brown.
If we leave the U.S, we also lose a lot. I love that my son has the possibility of meeting people from all over the world in the U.S. The library system, the accessibility and richness of museums in this country are true portals for learning and growth. My husband and I want him to have the opportunity to kayak, ski, snowboard, camp, hike and snorkel. These are of course possible in India but rare. As much as we want him to grow up around family, we can also have our cherished privacy here. We want him to know the value of doing things like laundry, dishes, vacuuming and cooking for himself. And we also want him to know what it feels like to be the minority. There are lessons to be learned in all of these experiences.
All of us as parents want to give our kids the best. When we do a lot of things, we are indeed doing some of it for the kids. Sometimes I just have to wonder at what costs to their hearts? What really matters? Does place matter?
